All 14 SEC Football Teams as 80’s Shows
It's fun to think about the upcoming football season, and finding different ways of expressing this excitement is always interesting. So one way of getting you ready for the upcoming SEC football season is to figure out which team would be which 80's show (because let's face it: the 80's had the best shows, just like the SEC has the best football).
An article from SBNation.com that made all 129 FBS teams into Pokemon got me thinking: who cares about the other 115 teams when we want to focus on the 14 SEC teams? And then, for whatever reason, I began thinking about 80's sitcoms and, well, here's the result.
*February 25: Due to a technicality, because Star Trek, MacGyver, Sesame Street and Dallas aren't actually considered "sitcoms," I've changed it to 80's television "shows." Regardless, the premise stays the same.*
You wanna go where everybody knows your name, and everybody knows the names "Alabama" and "Nick Saban." Cheers was the pinnacle of 80's sitcoms, and we're witnessing the pinnacle of college football with the Crimson Tide.
Don't ask why, but whenever I see Bret Bielema, I think of Alf, so ALF it is for the Razorbacks. Hopefully there won't be any dissecting of alien creatures at the end of his tenure in Fayetteville.
It was good while it lasted (five seasons), but it had an absolutely goofy set up, and it basically outsmarted itself. Dr. Sam Beckett would jump into other people's bodies to put right the wrongs of the world, and he even hopped into a chimp's body in one episode. But after five seasons, it ran out of ideas and lost its luster. Sound like any particular college football team you know?
What Jim McElwain did in Gainesville this past season is worthy of this honor. He somehow MacGyver'd the Gators to the SEC Championship Game in 2015, and when it comes down to it, he's more than capable of taking the Gators on a good seven or eight year run.
I mean, did you expect Georgia to be anything else? It was set in Hazzard County, GA. A solid program, but nothing of essence to brag about... Still trying to figure out who would be Daisy Duke, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there (or jump over it in the General Lee).
Fraggle Rock's creator Jim Henson has said that it was "a high-energy, raucous musical romp. It's a lot of silliness. It's wonderful." This is LSU head coach Les Miles in a single quote as well. A solid show that basically followed a great show in The Muppets. Miles followed then head coach Nick Saban in Baton Rouge after Saban's impressive run. This one was too easy.
Mork & Mindy was quirky. Head coach Dan Mullen is quirky. It had a few really good years on air, but couldn't hold up in a time full of great sitcoms. Mississippi State, while quarterback Dak Prescott was on campus, showed they could put together something good, but we'll see where it goes in the post-Prescott days.
It started off pretty hot, and was a good idea at first, but Perfect Strangers tailed off quickly. The Tigers were perfect strangers to the SEC in 2012 coming from the Big XII, and even won the SEC East in 2013 and 2014, but isn't looking like they'll be able to keep up that pace in the coming years.
Star Trek was always a solid program, as it amassed hundreds of thousands of "Trekkies" around the world, but with TNG, it was taken to a completely different level. Ole Miss was always a program that was respectable, but nothing great; that was until Hugh Freeze showed up. Is Freeze the modern-day Jean Luc Picard?
Did the writers of My Two Dads just not bother putting any kind of effort into the story-line? I mean, how can two men who dated the same woman now live together and raise a child that neither one knows who her biological father is? Well, we all do know how much effort former head coach Steve Spurrier put into the Gamecock program, and it showed in their record.
As you can probably tell, I've been going in alphabetical order with the teams, but you may be asking, "Why is Kentucky here?" A very astute question. Well, I'll be honest, I forgot about them, just like we all have forgotten about the sitcom It's a Living. You remember that one? You do? You get kudos. If you don't, join the club.
Every season, we all wonder if it will be Tennessee's year. "The best team in the East this season will be the Tennessee Vols." In 20 years, we'll be referring to this phenomenon as the Wonder Years, so there's the only connection. The Wonder Years was a great sitcom that changed the way we watched television, the way it told the story of the great teenage years of all of us. Tennessee hasn't done that yet, but they will next year...
When I began putting this list together, this one was the first one I thought about. After the Johnny Manziel fiasco/project/experience in College Station, it nearly felt like a rejected episode of Dallas. And with the recent comments from former Aggie quarterback Kyle Allen, it only further solidifies this comparison.
With every episode of Sesame Street, we always learned something new: letters, numbers, colors, and even life lessons. Vanderbilt is the academic backbone of the SEC, and if you're ever around the school, you'll understand that they take learning seriously. However, if you're not a child and in need of entertainment, Sesame Street isn't your cup of tea. If you're not a child and in need of real football and real entertainment on the field, then Vandy football isn't going to be your cup of tea either.